Struggles of the young, successful and independent.
I’m 24, I live in Jo‘burg North and I’m working on my second degree. By most people’s standards I’m well on my way to success. Yet I hardly ever feel that way. Mostly because these achievements are nothing to write home about, at least not on the global scale.
People are often shocked to learn that one of my main goals in life is to be a mother. A mother of six to be exact. Six beautiful, cultured, free-thinking individuals that will give birth to more of this kind of human. That is the legacy I want. Planning, praying and hoping for my family is what keeps me up at night. Not the rat race.
Judge me not
Women like myself are constantly judged for putting their efforts into finding a life partner and building family rather than chasing a career.Such women are often seen as lacking ambition or having low self-esteem. Some people – usually other women – even dismiss such aspirations as their way of dealing with coming from a broken home. Well my self-esteem is doing just fine. I don’t have broken family issues and I am perfectly capable of having a kick-ass-career, if that is what I want.
“I would rather wake up at 7am to bake cup cakes with my little girl than be stuck in traffic on my way to work.”
The truth is, there is no profound reason for me wanting a family more than I want a career. This is just the kind of life that I want. I would rather wake up at 7am to bake cup cakes with my little girl than be stuck in traffic on my way to work. This is not to say that I don’t want to work, it just means that my career choice was specifically selected to allow for such a life.
From an early age we are all taught to work hard for what we want and who you want to become. We are encouraged to work on our spiritualty, our health and career constantly. Yet one of the most important aspects of one’s life must wait until all the other things are perfectly aligned? Who are you meant to share your career achievements with? Who are you meant to travel the world with? Who else is meant to benefit from all the wealth we’re accumulating?
We are finally in a world where women can choose whatever life they desire and make it happen. So if I need to serial date to find my life partner, I will. If I have the option to marry rich to ensure my six kids are well taken care, I’ll take it. If being a mother means I must adopt across racial lines then so be it. The point is that my life choices are nobody’s business, not even the feisty feminists who fought for me to have this choice.
First published by wits vuvuzela on the 13th april 2015